Cherry-Popping

In honor of Valentine's Day (aka, Single's Awareness Day), I thought I would address the whole losing your virginity thing. If you still have it, I'm talking to you.

First off, sex is important and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. But the value you give to it is your own.

In American society, losing your virginity for girls is a very special little thing you do to the one you love (and maybe the one you hope to stay with for the rest of your life). For guys, it's a rite of passage, something you want to go through so you can say you did it.

Either way, that's fine, but I'd like people to have some realistic perceptions here:

1. Your first time will not be mind-blowing. It's not going to be incredible. It's going to be awkward if your partner doesn't know what they're doing, either, and there's a high possibility the girl won't get off at all. This is generally why people say you need to love your partner when you lose your virginity: it makes the embarrassment a lot easier to swallow.

2. It's not necessary to wait for your first time to be with someone you're in love with. Over your lifetime, chances are you're going to fuck a good amount of people, so why would you wait to deny it to yourself? If you're holding out for an emotional connection, good for you, but it's not necessary and you'd better not only be doing it because your church/mother/society told you that's how to do it. Have a reason from yourself.

3. Even if you're in love, it's risky. Use a condom, be on birth control. Protect yourselves, SERIOUSLY. You don't want to end up being a parent because you got too excited your first time. That's a shitty punishment.

4. SEX IS NOT LIKE IT IS IN PORN. You need to understand that one, boys and girls. It's not about ramming it in hard, or throat-fucking, because you're going to get your partner seriously hurt, guys. And girls, it's not like it is in a little romantic movie either. He's probably not the perfect guy and you won't be together forever and this probably won't mean to the world to you in ten years. Just think about it rationally.

5. Sex is not all about love. I want to throw that one out there for all the guilty to know. If you want to lose it because you're horny, by all means, DO IT. Think it through because hey, you might regret it, but you also might regret waiting. It's up to you. Just know that there's plenty of sex going around without love and plenty of love going on with absolutely no sex. It's how the cookie crumbles.

So if you'd like to give it up to the one you love this Valentine's Day, or cruise for someone who's going to rock your world for the first time to celebrate Single's Awareness, be prepared. Thing logically, or lustfully, because your heart doesn't always know what's up.

And have a condom with you. ;)

Piercings Part 3: Let's Hear It For the Boys

And this week: the exciting conclusion to the mini piercing series. The guys have several more options for piercings than women, probably due to the increased surface area available to them. There is a lot more skin out there on a dick than a pussy, obviously. Of course, this means the boys needed their own post.

Ampallang: Hole is made horizontally through the head of the penis. This is not a very popular piercing for obvious reasons, and it's also very painful and dangerous to do as it's very easy to damage the nerve endings in the head. Excited to see?

Apadravya: Same as above, except it's vertical. For those of you not very imaginative, here you go.

Dydoe: Usually for guys who have been circumcised, but not necessarily. It is said to increase sensitivity to the head for men who have been circumcised. The piercing goes through the ridge of the head vertically on top of the penis. I know it's a bad explanation, so I'll just show you.

Foreskin: Only for uncircumcised guys for obvious reasons. Basically it can be pierced anywhere as long as you can still pull it back so there are lots of possibilities here. But rough sex could still tear it so you might be taking your chances if that's your style. Check out any of the variations.

Frenum: Easy, pleasurable, and not very painful. It's basically the same as the dydoe but it's on the bottom instead, very similar to a Prince Albert, except horizontal. This is what it looks like. It can also be expanded into a ladder, which looks like this.

Guiche: This piercing is on the perineum, between the scrotum and anus. It's not a common piercing and very difficult to heal. For those who don't reject it, they sport this look.

Hafada/Scrotum: As long as it's on the scrotum, this qualifies. It can take a bit to heal, but is one of the easiest to do. If you have no imagination, here you go.

Prince Albert: I know you know what this is. It's easy and popular: straight through the urethra at the edge of the bottom of the penis. Just to keep things uniform, even though you know what it looks like, here it is.

So there you have it, a whole lot of info on genital modification. I either inspired you, or scared your genitals so much you'll never see them again.

Either way, I'll see write next week. ;)

Piercings Part 2: Ladies First

Last week, I started on a three part examination of genital body modification. This week, we're delving into the vulva, so prepare yourselves for a hot and wet journey.

Clitoral hood piercing: Yep, you read right, a piercing that goes straight through (vertically or horizontally, or both if you really like it) that cute little jacket covering up the clit. It only goes through the skin there not the clitoris itself, but the piercing indirectly stimulates the clitoris, usually resulting in an increase of sexual satisfaction because it will make you orgasm more. If you want to see, this is what it looks like.

Labia: The inside or outside lips of the vulva are pierced, usually in pairs, with one on either side. The exact location is purely up to the wearer. These piercings are more for visual than erotic pleasure because they don't add much in the way of stimulation. They're actually quite decorative, if you'd like to see.

Fourchette: Vertical perineum (a.k.a. that sensitive little spot between the genitals and anus) is only possible if you have a bit of skin there to pierce. Not everyone does, so please don't try it if you're not built for it. Some say it adds to pleasure, and I don't see why not, especially if you really like stimulation on that particular part of your body. Or, you might just think this piercing is decorative. Either way, it looks like this.

Clitoris: Yes, my friends, people do in fact get their little nub of pure sensitivity pierced. Straight through. No joke. You have to be absolutely positive you want this AND have a big enough clit to handle the piercing because any damage will not only be seriously painful but also permanent. Your hood also needs to be out of the way so that it can actually heal because otherwise you're screwed. For the brave souls who've gotten it now look like this.

So there you have it, ladies. All your possible options for genital body modification. Some for looks, some for pleasure... maybe both?

Either way, if you'd like to know more, look at Elayne Angel's site. The woman has been in the piercing business forever and has a whole book on the topic.

Stay tuned for next week's lesson on the boys. ;)

Piercings Part 1: Clarifications and Degeneralizations

I know you've heard of a Prince Albert, but trust me, this piercing is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to male genital piercings, not to mention the multitude of options open for a woman.

Has your mind been boggled yet? Don't worry, I'm here to pierce straight through that cloud of confusion.

Let me first address your possible horror that people actually do this: Yes, people pierce their genitals. It's just like getting your ears pierced. If you want it, you'll do it, and you'll probably like it.

Okay, maybe it's a bit more intense than that, but you get the idea.

Still, unless you're Amish, this shouldn't be something that you think of as body mutilation, but rather body modification.

If you're determined to get one and you know you really want it, a genital piercing can be great (assuming your genitalia is well-suited for it, but even then, you have plenty of options). But make sure you DO YOUR RESEARCH and THINK IT OVER. None of this is to be played with or purely experimental. It's serious business that has to be taken seriously.

One last note: Some people classify genital piercings as a part of BDSM culture where they are typically used to show ownership or to utilize during genital torture or worship, yet this is not the case. It's not essential for somebody to identify with or partake in the lifestyle in order to get or enjoy genital piercings.

And yes, in many cases, the jewelry does in fact enhance sexual stimulation and satisfaction, but not in every place that the genitalia that can be pierced. It depends on where you get it and what turns you on. These piercings are not the one-size-fits-all-pleasures type.

Stay tuned for further piercing knowledge and specifications. ;)

A Confusing Notion

Here's a simple word for you: sex. How much more blatant can it get? A cock slides into a pussy and BOOM: sex.

Right?

Definitely not.

In this case, the concept of the word is much more complicated than the word itself. That little bit described above is actually penetration, as is any instance of something going into an orifice of the human body (i.e. a dildo into an asshole, fingers into the mouth, a cucumber into the vagina... you get the idea).

Sex is not penetration, but penetration is sex. It's a teeny-tiny little segment of what you can do that qualifies as sex. Penetration IS NOT the goal of sex.

And if that IS your goal, then let me tell you, you need need to realign your sexual perceptions and do a little bit more during your playtime.

Remember the bases? Forget them. They assume that penetration is really what sex is all about and help perpetuate the misconception. They assume that everything else simply leads up to penetration as the promised land, the big finish.

Hell no.

Think about how much fun it is to engage in what people commonly call "foreplay" (a misnomer in and of itself because it makes it sound like penetration is really the only fun part). Lingering over the different erogenous zones - or really any zone - of the body with your fingers, lips, tongue, hair, etc., is highly sexual and pleasurable.

And pleasure is really the goal of sex. Unless your goal is to make babies in which case I have no idea why you're reading this.

There are other options as well if you really want to involve your genitals directly in the sex act. Women will commonly engage in what's called frottage, the sexual rubbing up against something. A woman can get on her lover's leg and hump away, for example. It stimulates the clit and can easily result in orgasm.

Men can put their penises between any of the soft curves of a body (thighs, ass cheeks, breasts...) and fuck away there, also easily resulting in orgasm because it gives the head of the penis the amount of stimulation it needs to make a man cum.

Did I mention these options are also forms of safer sex because they won't allow you to pass on/contract STDs or result in pregnancy? Do you see that you can easily get orgasm in other ways other than penetration and still experience extreme pleasure along the way?

Yep, fringe benefits galore.

So leave penetration station next time and spend more time in the foreplay section of your sexual repertoire. You'll be glad you did.

Now go and have a cigarette because I'm sure I just completely blew your mind. ;)

A Sexual Truth

Remember that dry-humping phase you went through back in the day? Rubbing your crotch up against someone in the backseat of a car or on the couch while your parents were in the other room. If you’re a woman, you know exactly how it felt. If you were with a woman, you remember the look on her face when you did.

Unfortunately, what felt so great about this for the ladies has been lost in the journey through the bases.

Last week, I dispelled the myth that the G-Spot is what women really need stimulated to make them orgasm. This cultural myth perpetuates Sigmund Freud’s theory that vaginal intercourse is the only true way to achieve orgasm for a woman.

My dear friends, men and women alike, let me introduce you to my favorite little button on the female body, the portion of anatomy that drove her mild in the aforementioned dry-humping phase: the clitoris.

Photo credit TheGirlDoctor.com

The clitoris, usually known as the clit, is a little nub below the clitoral hood and above the urethral opening on a woman’s body. The clit is home to about 8000 nerve endings, making it THE most sensitive spot on a woman’s body.

Why would you want to ignore that?

Even better: the sole purpose of the clitoris is sexual pleasure. It engorges with blood during sexual arousal, much like the penis. Unfortunately for women, this little bud with infinite potential is outside the vagina and very, very small – only about ¾ an inch in length and less than ¼ inch in diameter on average.

Getting this nub to fill with blood enough for it to peek out from under the hood and want to come out to play is a minor triumph in and of itself.

But the more important hurdle to overcome is how to touch it.

Some women like light pressure. Others like a little rubbing with the palm or a finger. And even more ways to drive the ladies crazy abound: light circular motions, pinching, flicking, sucking, licking, any intensity of vibration…

It’s all up to her. Pressure, intensity, and motions all vary, but there is generally one way that suits her best.

The challenge for you: figure it out. Whether it’s a challenge for your own clitoris or your partner’s, it’s absolutely crucial to put in the time to figure it out.

Why, you ask?

Because it’s the key to female pleasure, of course. Why would you ever want to deny yourself or any woman an orgasm of exquisite quality?

You wouldn’t.

So play with that little clittie and let its desires control you. ;)

My Top 10

In honor of the new year and all those annoying top 10 lists everyone provides, I thought I would give you all something a little different than usual: a personal list. The following are, in order, my favorite fucking activities:

10. Biting - There's something about the feeling of teeth sinking into me or mine sinking into another person..... try it. It's hot and it leaves lots of marks.

9. Noises - Moans and groans and growls, oh my ;)

8. Choking - There's a complete feeling of helplessness when there are hands around my neck and and mouth locked over mine. You resort to a sort of delicious desperation where your body wants to escape but wants to stay.

7. Rimming - If you've never felt a tongue in/around/near your asshole, you're missing out. It's so sensitive and wet, especially when you play with the surrounding area at the same time.

6. Pressure/force - I combined these into one because they're really related. Being held down into a bed, yanked around, squeezed tightly - it's that amount of control another person can exercise over you with their body, and it's incredible the amount of power that holds.

5. Clit Stimulation - I feel like this would be fairly obvious, but yes, it lies in my top 5. It's really necessary for any female sexual experience and enhances anything (let me repeat: ANYTHING) that happens during sex, or even messing around, for a woman. Plus, it'll make her orgasm. And how can you beat that?

4. Kissing - It's cliche, I know, but it's true. If you've ever encountered a good kisser, you know what I'm talking about. If not, let me introduce myself ;)

3. G-Spot Stimulation - There's a lot of stuff under this category, but the crucial ones are riding (the position, of course) and squirting. It's so deep and fulfilling, plus you can make me squirt. Congrats. :) I love giving this, too.... Seeing the look on a girl's face when I hit the spot and I know she feels it. Incredible.

2. Cocksucking - Have you ever had a cock in your mouth? The power of it if you're in control, the pure helplessness if you're not... Knowing that you're driving him wild just because you have his sex inside you. Segments of this that are crucial: ball-licking (because it's fun and you need to do this to actually do a blow job right for most guys) and deepthroating (because there's really nothing better than a messy, spitty blow job).

1. Dirty Talk - I feel like you might be disappointed that this ranks in at number one, but no matter what I'm doing, if someone walks up to me and starts telling me what they want to do to me or telling me how much of a slut they think I am, I'm turned on. I can't help it. And I can do this at any hour, of any day, in any form: verbal, hand-written, typed up online.... There's something very erotic putting your desires for another person into words instead of keeping it to yourself or just acting them out. Adds a little bit of sexual tension, and that's really always a lot of fun. ;)

I encourage you to go on your own little journey of self-discovery and come up with a list. Top 10, Top 5, Top 3... doesn't matter. But it's a lot of fun and it helps you get to know yourself better. It might make you realize your sex life is dull, or that you simply haven't found that thing that does it for you yet. No matter what, you'll be glad you made the list.

Happy Fucking New Year. :)