Cherry-Popping

In honor of Valentine's Day (aka, Single's Awareness Day), I thought I would address the whole losing your virginity thing. If you still have it, I'm talking to you.

First off, sex is important and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. But the value you give to it is your own.

In American society, losing your virginity for girls is a very special little thing you do to the one you love (and maybe the one you hope to stay with for the rest of your life). For guys, it's a rite of passage, something you want to go through so you can say you did it.

Either way, that's fine, but I'd like people to have some realistic perceptions here:

1. Your first time will not be mind-blowing. It's not going to be incredible. It's going to be awkward if your partner doesn't know what they're doing, either, and there's a high possibility the girl won't get off at all. This is generally why people say you need to love your partner when you lose your virginity: it makes the embarrassment a lot easier to swallow.

2. It's not necessary to wait for your first time to be with someone you're in love with. Over your lifetime, chances are you're going to fuck a good amount of people, so why would you wait to deny it to yourself? If you're holding out for an emotional connection, good for you, but it's not necessary and you'd better not only be doing it because your church/mother/society told you that's how to do it. Have a reason from yourself.

3. Even if you're in love, it's risky. Use a condom, be on birth control. Protect yourselves, SERIOUSLY. You don't want to end up being a parent because you got too excited your first time. That's a shitty punishment.

4. SEX IS NOT LIKE IT IS IN PORN. You need to understand that one, boys and girls. It's not about ramming it in hard, or throat-fucking, because you're going to get your partner seriously hurt, guys. And girls, it's not like it is in a little romantic movie either. He's probably not the perfect guy and you won't be together forever and this probably won't mean to the world to you in ten years. Just think about it rationally.

5. Sex is not all about love. I want to throw that one out there for all the guilty to know. If you want to lose it because you're horny, by all means, DO IT. Think it through because hey, you might regret it, but you also might regret waiting. It's up to you. Just know that there's plenty of sex going around without love and plenty of love going on with absolutely no sex. It's how the cookie crumbles.

So if you'd like to give it up to the one you love this Valentine's Day, or cruise for someone who's going to rock your world for the first time to celebrate Single's Awareness, be prepared. Thing logically, or lustfully, because your heart doesn't always know what's up.

And have a condom with you. ;)

What is erotic?

I know you're attempting to answer this question in your mind and my fingers are crossed in the hopes that you've got an answer more creative than a dick going into a pussy.

Let me make this very clear: There is little eroticism in standard sexual intercourse.

So, are you thinking about a slow and sensual make-out with a whole lot of moaning and groaning, maybe with a little dry humping, in the back seat of your car after work?

How about tying someone down and beating them with a whip until they scream?

Watching someone undress when they don't know you can see?

Any, all of the above, or something else entirely that appeals to those dark, carnal desires of yours are fair game for eroticism.

In its blandest terms, eroticism means sexual excitement a step above sensuality. Psychoanalytically (as in, according to Freud's realm of thought) eroticism has absolutely nothing to do with the genitals but rather the erogenous zones of the body.

This makes eroticism different for different people. Obviously each of the above scenarios has varying appeal to different people.

You likely thought of something else entirely from the given examples when I asked what eroticism is. And that's fine. The most important thing to realize about eroticism is that it's not always about sex, but it's always sexual. That fine line of distinction is why I chose to address this now.

Think about it: Sex itself doesn't always fit these standards. There's very dull sex, sex that might not even get you off or satisfy you in the slightest. That's definitely not erotic. But putting a leash on your partner to satisfy your fantasies of control and dominance certainly is.

Consider that lovely little sex act that makes you tingle, makes you want to keep going forever, makes you yearn for more, and turns you on more than anything. It's guaranteed to be erotic, and that's a perfect starting point for you to form your personal definition of the term.

Most enjoy tying eroticism to "forbidden pleasures", which makes sense because people generally don't indulge these pleasures. We spend our lives denying these urges, postponing them for work and school and kids and obligations, really being productive members of society. We also deny the taboo and avoid doing things that will make us socially unacceptable.

Strange that the desire to fit in with other people generally overrides our innate need to fulfill those lustful urges.

So what could be hotter than getting down and dirty in the raunchiest way you could think of?

Absolutely nothing. That's erotic.