A Sexual Truth

Remember that dry-humping phase you went through back in the day? Rubbing your crotch up against someone in the backseat of a car or on the couch while your parents were in the other room. If you’re a woman, you know exactly how it felt. If you were with a woman, you remember the look on her face when you did.

Unfortunately, what felt so great about this for the ladies has been lost in the journey through the bases.

Last week, I dispelled the myth that the G-Spot is what women really need stimulated to make them orgasm. This cultural myth perpetuates Sigmund Freud’s theory that vaginal intercourse is the only true way to achieve orgasm for a woman.

My dear friends, men and women alike, let me introduce you to my favorite little button on the female body, the portion of anatomy that drove her mild in the aforementioned dry-humping phase: the clitoris.

Photo credit TheGirlDoctor.com

The clitoris, usually known as the clit, is a little nub below the clitoral hood and above the urethral opening on a woman’s body. The clit is home to about 8000 nerve endings, making it THE most sensitive spot on a woman’s body.

Why would you want to ignore that?

Even better: the sole purpose of the clitoris is sexual pleasure. It engorges with blood during sexual arousal, much like the penis. Unfortunately for women, this little bud with infinite potential is outside the vagina and very, very small – only about ¾ an inch in length and less than ¼ inch in diameter on average.

Getting this nub to fill with blood enough for it to peek out from under the hood and want to come out to play is a minor triumph in and of itself.

But the more important hurdle to overcome is how to touch it.

Some women like light pressure. Others like a little rubbing with the palm or a finger. And even more ways to drive the ladies crazy abound: light circular motions, pinching, flicking, sucking, licking, any intensity of vibration…

It’s all up to her. Pressure, intensity, and motions all vary, but there is generally one way that suits her best.

The challenge for you: figure it out. Whether it’s a challenge for your own clitoris or your partner’s, it’s absolutely crucial to put in the time to figure it out.

Why, you ask?

Because it’s the key to female pleasure, of course. Why would you ever want to deny yourself or any woman an orgasm of exquisite quality?

You wouldn’t.

So play with that little clittie and let its desires control you. ;)

What is erotic?

I know you're attempting to answer this question in your mind and my fingers are crossed in the hopes that you've got an answer more creative than a dick going into a pussy.

Let me make this very clear: There is little eroticism in standard sexual intercourse.

So, are you thinking about a slow and sensual make-out with a whole lot of moaning and groaning, maybe with a little dry humping, in the back seat of your car after work?

How about tying someone down and beating them with a whip until they scream?

Watching someone undress when they don't know you can see?

Any, all of the above, or something else entirely that appeals to those dark, carnal desires of yours are fair game for eroticism.

In its blandest terms, eroticism means sexual excitement a step above sensuality. Psychoanalytically (as in, according to Freud's realm of thought) eroticism has absolutely nothing to do with the genitals but rather the erogenous zones of the body.

This makes eroticism different for different people. Obviously each of the above scenarios has varying appeal to different people.

You likely thought of something else entirely from the given examples when I asked what eroticism is. And that's fine. The most important thing to realize about eroticism is that it's not always about sex, but it's always sexual. That fine line of distinction is why I chose to address this now.

Think about it: Sex itself doesn't always fit these standards. There's very dull sex, sex that might not even get you off or satisfy you in the slightest. That's definitely not erotic. But putting a leash on your partner to satisfy your fantasies of control and dominance certainly is.

Consider that lovely little sex act that makes you tingle, makes you want to keep going forever, makes you yearn for more, and turns you on more than anything. It's guaranteed to be erotic, and that's a perfect starting point for you to form your personal definition of the term.

Most enjoy tying eroticism to "forbidden pleasures", which makes sense because people generally don't indulge these pleasures. We spend our lives denying these urges, postponing them for work and school and kids and obligations, really being productive members of society. We also deny the taboo and avoid doing things that will make us socially unacceptable.

Strange that the desire to fit in with other people generally overrides our innate need to fulfill those lustful urges.

So what could be hotter than getting down and dirty in the raunchiest way you could think of?

Absolutely nothing. That's erotic.