An Ode to Openness

I’ll mention things to people in my numerous conversations about sexuality like anal sex, double penetration, gag balls, or nipple clamps, and the immediate reaction is generally along the lines of:

“Ew, that’s gross! People actually do that?”

So I’m making one simple request: be open.

By that, I don’t mean be accepting and tolerant of others’ behavior – as much as I do wholeheartedly hope that you are and urge you to be – but rather be open to experimentation.

Don’t knock it ‘till you try it. Seriously. Who knows, maybe mutual masturbation is really your THING, that one erotic act that drives you crazy more than anything else. Why would you deny that to yourself just because you’ve decided that this behavior is strange? If you’ve never done it, don’t judge it. Try it.

If your partner suggests something, try that out. All you can do is try. If something happens that you really like, great, and if you don’t, that’s okay too. At least you know for sure. Being open to trying new things, especially at the suggestion of others, will help you learn what you actually like and what your limits really are.

Don’t be ashamed of your fantasies and desires. Many of us deny what we really want because we think it’s weird or are scared of what others will think. If you have a certain kink, it’s not going to just go away because you pretend it doesn’t exist. Instead, you have to embrace it. Cherish it. Practice it. Don’t let it turn into a dirty little secret that makes your world come crashing down when someone discovers it. If you’re comfortable with your practices and fantasies, then they’re absolutely okay.

That’s not to say that you should wear your sexual story on your sleeve. But you really shouldn’t be scared of what other people might say if they found out what you want to do or have done. First of all, if all your friends are like that, you need some new friends. And second, people might end up being more accepting than you think. Just because you and your friend don’t generally talk about sex doesn’t mean that the two of you won’t see eye to eye on the topic.

I fully realize that it’s socially unacceptable to talk about sex at every turn, especially openly, and that fear of judgment is a serious hindrance to many of us. As someone who won’t shut up about sex, I hear you, I really do. I WAS you. But I embraced my kinks and so should you. Embrace your fantasies and share them with those who are close to you. It’s a proven fact that when people know someone who’s intimately associated with a certain behavior, they’re more likely to be tolerant and accepting of the behavior, which leads to a greater acceptance of the behavior in the society as a whole.

All I ask if for you to be open. Be experimental. Try new things. It’s always fun to spice things up, so enjoy yourself along your path of sexual exploration and discover your kinks.

And then dedicate that delicious moment of discovery to this post. I’ll be honored.