Praise for Masturbation

Worried about STDs? Scared of getting pregnant? Too busy to find a partner? Not emotionally ready for sex? Against one night stands? Performance anxiety? Into a hard-to-find kink?

Masturbate. Problem solved.

Whether or not you actually practice it, we all know what masturbation is: the act of bringing yourself to climax (with toys, your hands, or other instruments), but not everyone recognizes its perks and true virtues.

Before I get into praising this beautiful act, I'd like to dispose of the usual suspects and arguments against masturbation.

Masturbation is not evil. It is not a sin. It is not disgusting. It is not wrong. There is nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself and it is not sufficient to cite the Bible's "wasting seed" reason or the "saving yourself for marriage" reason to dismiss the act all together.

Now, back to the good stuff. Think back to when you were a little baby. You probably don't realize it but when you were a baby, you spent a generous amount of time checking out your own situation (i.e. masturbating). It's one of those stories that parents don't generally share with their kids at the dinner table, or ever.

As children, we masturbate. A lot. We're learning about our bodies, how to use them and what to do with them. Masturbation is a key part of the process. Basic human instinct.

From this point on, the perks are endless. Masturbation is really a habit you want to get into by the time you enter your high school and college years (whether or not you're having sex regularly) because of everything it does for you. Just think about it.

Birth control and STDs are not worries when you masturbate for the obvious reasons: You can't give yourself anything and you can't get yourself or anyone else pregnant. These perks are not to be understated. As my aunt always says: "The safest form of sex is with yourself." You protect yourself and your health through masturbation and make sure you won't be stuck with a baby or a nasty case of herpes a year down the line.

Masturbation also fits well into time constraints. A couple of hours on a Friday afternoon to spoil yourself is significantly easier to coordinate - not to mention less of a time investment - than a full-scale relationship. It's beautiful for that busy, single person who has no time to waste and still wants to feel good.

Then there are those messy emotional reservations. Looking for that special someone. Unrequited love. Recently broken-up. All of them situations where you're likely to have some hang-ups about giving it up to just anyone. So give it up to yourself instead.

Or perhaps you have performance anxiety, you're into a hard-to-find kink, or you like to screw a little more often than you can get. All problems easily remedied by masturbation until you can work up the courage or find the perfect partner.

You also get to know yourself better. You get to know what you like and what you don't like. Where to hit the spot and what makes you squirm (in a good way). Which is perfect because when the time comes, you already know what you want and how to feel good. The outcome is a more enjoyable sexual experience for both you and your partner because he or she gets to see you enjoying yourself throughout rather than stumbling through or - even worse - not having fun.

Have I mentioned the health benefits? Besides the aforementioned, masturbating five to seven times a week for men can lead to a decreased risk of prostate cancer. Lower blood pressure, stress relief, lower heart rate and help you sleep better are perks for both sexes. Plus, it helps you know your body better and keeps you aware of how you are so if you're not okay, you know you need to see the doctor. And it can lead to greater sexual health and awareness for both sexes. The endorphins aren't bad, either.

So I encourage you to let yourself feel good. Find some alone time (or not, if you'd rather have an audience) and go exploring, maybe even give yourself that divine sensation or orgasm if you'd like to get that far. Yes, it's indulgent. Yes, it's selfish. So what? That's what an orgasm is. It's not for anyone else; it's for YOU. Give it to yourself, however you want it. Show yourself how much you care, how much you love yourself.

It's delicious. It's carefree. And it's wonderful. Regress to childhood and just play.